My Rocky Music Journey from February 2022 to June 2024
By Sandra Low
Wow, today is July 21st! And it has been exactly a month now since I did my Conservatory Canada level 6 classical piano exam. ! I am really ecstatic about this achievement because it has been a very long, hard road with big life changes and extremely difficult personal life struggles. It started way back in February 2022 when I had my level 5 mock exam with my teacher and I got a mark in the low 70s. The mock exam gave me a timepoint to mark where my music journey and life took me from there.
I retired from my part-time paid work in June 2022. (It was around this time that I wrote my Level 6 theory exam.) My retirement freed me to be able to support my mother and my youngest brother, my dad's two primary caregivers, more effectively by taking on more graveyard shifts to care for my dad who had vascular dementia. In October 2022, as we were all really struggling, we made the difficult decision of placing him in a care facility. He unexpectedly passed away in early December 2022. His death brought on a deep depression for me, from which I did not really resurface from, until about June 2023. But then, not two months later, my 17 year old daughter was in a motor vehicle collision in August 2023 from which she suffered severe whiplash injuries (and which she is still undergoing physical therapy for). And then my mother-in-law, also suddenly passed away in December 2023. My husband has had health issues in the last few years but it came to a “head” in May 2024, with surgery in June 2024. He is doing well now but it has been a difficult 2 months for him and for our family.
Against this backdrop of life, in these last 2.33 years, I was constantly embroiled in “negative” self talk about my struggles with music learning. I felt like I was not making any progress. “Why was learning the repertoire so difficult?” “Why was I still so unsure of what I was doing?” “Was I kidding myself about being able to learn?" "Do I have what it takes to be a musician?” Crippling thoughts of self-doubt were pervasive in my thoughts everyday.
That is why I am thankful for this amazing community. When I sorely needed support and kindness from my fellow group members, I got it in spades. I am so grateful for each and every member. But I am especially grateful to Edel, our president, for listening to me express all my doubts about my teacher and my doubts about my learning and my own capabilities. I thank her for her generosity of time and her presence to really hear me out and to think of real solutions. And it was Edel who did give me the ultimate solution. Edel said that many teachers doubted that she could be successful in a level 9 exam last year when she signed up for it. But she said that it was the act of registering for the exam that made all the difference in her learning. It was what lit the fire for her to get cracking and really do the hard work!
Taking her advice, I decided to take the plunge! I registered and paid for the level 6 exam in February to take place in June. So I had 4 months to prepare! I had decided not to discuss it beforehand with my piano teacher. She was surprised that I had registered for the exam. If she had had her way, I would not be taking part in any exam at all. Yes there is a reason I was plagued with so much self-doubt. “Why are you taking this exam?” was her question to me after I had registered. I told her that my purpose in taking an exam is not to get 90s on the exam. Of course, I would love it if I got a mark in the 80s but I would also be very happy with a mark in the 70s. What the exam represented for me was a commitment on my part to doing the learning.
And the learning was not just effectively practicing the repertoire but also learning the musicianship skills: the skills that piano students don't usually focus on. The scales, chords, chord progressions, harmonizing in keyboard style, ear training and sight reading are just as important if not more important than your repertoire work. These skills are necessary to be able to call yourself a good musician. I have always been bad at ear training. In the past, when I heard a melody, I could sing it back okay but I could not for the life of me, play it on the piano. I couldn't tell if a melody was going up or down. So in prepping for this exam, I spent 3 months with 1 hour weekly lessons working on ear training alone. I was able to gain some headway with playback as I could finally do it but it still took me a long time to translate what I heard to playing the melody on the piano. During my exam, I still fell back to singback. However, the intense work using solfege techniques with my music theory/ear training teacher, Julian Iafelice, gave me a glimpse to what is possible and I was amazed. And I practiced my technique fervently so that when I had to harmonize keyboard style, I was able to find the right chords with the melody topnote pretty easily. This is a skill that I really need in my future learning and I was able to see it all click into place while prepping for this exam.
And with regard to my repertoire, I spent a lot of time "practicing effectively" and also performing my repertoire. In one month, I performed my repertoire weekly (4x) at the hospital in my volunteer work, twice with my ALMSG group and once a month with an alternate piano group. That is seven times per month that I performed my repertoire in the four months leading to my exam. Each month, group members would comment on how they could hear the steady improvements I had made in each of my pieces! This was great motivation and incentive to me.
Also in mid-April, I started studying with a second piano teacher, Kathleen van Mourik, who gave me really insightful perspectives and body mechanic efficiency tips that helped me greatly refine and improve my pieces. And because I am part of this fabulous ALMSG group; a group member, Alan, a great senior level pianist, generously offered to mentor me and relayed his best practicing tips in a few intense practice sessions. I don't really have any special gift or talent for music but by taking advantage of all the learning opportunities available and offered and committing the time to do what was required, I was able to succeed!
Yes, right after I completed my exam, what I felt was relief and pride that my period of intense focused study and my exam day calming techniques had culminated in one of my calmest and best exam experiences ever. I felt immense satisfaction on that day that my hard work had paid off and that a very large load had been lifted off my shoulders. It was a most triumphant feeling! And this was what I felt before I received my mark. I knew that I had already won! A few days later, when I did receive my mark of 80.8, I realized that my feelings had been confirmed by the examiner. I was ecstatic! In reality, that mark was just the icing on the cake but it is how I am able to quell naysayers and say “Yes, I have the right to be here just like anybody else.” The biggest naysayer of course being myself. I feel like an entirely different person now. I have more confidence in my abilities and it is all because I committed to an exam! Who knew!
